Southern Comfort: Chapter 6

Southern Comfort

Chapter Six

"Edward?"

"Hey." His hands are in his pockets.

"Hi." I drag my hand through the rats nest that I call my hair. "What's up?"

"The sky and dodo birds." He leans down and picks up a giant paper bag. "I brought dinner."

"Edward," I sigh.

"I know you said you wanted to be left alone, but I'm your best friend. You suffer, I suffer." His voice is sad.

Too bad he doesn't realize he's partly to blame for the group suffering.

Knowing he's just as hard headed as I am and not wanting my neighbours to call the cops if we butt heads, I move to the side and let him enter my clean house. Yes, it's Saturday. Yes I manically cleaned my entire apartment to help get my mind off a certain country boy currently residing on my couch. I excuse myself and rush to the vanity mirror, taking in my current appearance.

My nose is red and raw.

My eyes are puffy and still leaking.

My hair looks like a sparrow could make its home in it.

Not wanting to be rude to my company, I decide to take a quick sink bath, allowing my dry shampoo to help me tame my somewhat ridiculous mess and the cool water to relieve my burning eyes. I still look like shit, but it matches the way I feel on the inside. Some things can't be helped.

Edward's already set the coffee table up with plates and a cheap bottle of wine we picked up on a group visit to a local vineyard a few towns over. I take a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

"So what's for dinner?"

"Orange chicken from Hop Shing," he smiles. "Fried rice and extra egg rolls. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." It actually does.

Edward dishes out the food and hands me my plate complete with a pair of beginners chop sticks because I'm coordinately challenged. We eat in silence and I realize that I haven't eaten anything all day. I practically inhale everything on my plate and then devour three of the five egg rolls.

"So you gonna tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" he asks once we are stuffed and leaning against the couch, our plates and the leftover food sitting on the table.

"No." I blush at his sentiment.

"Come here." He opens his arms and I can't stop myself from burrowing into his side. He's always been my comfort and I find that even now he still is.

His arm is wrapped securely around my shoulders and I feel the familiar tickle of tears in my eyes because I should be happy that even if it's only friendship he wants, it still means that he wants me. Edward's thumb starts to rub the skin under the sleeve of my shirt and I can't suppress the shiver that runs through me under his touch.

"Let me in, Bells," he whispers into my hair.

"I can't," I croak, shaking my head.

"Why?" His voice is full of pain. Pain that I caused.

"Because..." The tears start again, burning my nose and wetting the neck line of my T-shirt.

"Bells..." A strong finger lifts my chin so that our eyes meet. "Please."

"No." I shake my head again and burrow into his side, further wrapping his arm around me until I can barely breathe. "Just stay here with me."

I sound pitiful. The desperation in my voice is evident.

For a few minutes we sit like that, me just wrapped up in his arms. I've never felt safer. I want to tell him. I want to beg him to forget Jess because she'll only bring him pain. She'll never love him the way I do. All of the years that I've spent fantasizing about a life with Edward has given me great visuals of what our life could be like. I'm almost hysterical when instead of seeing my face in those mental pictures, I see hers; straight dishwater blond hair instead of my wavy brown, her cold blue eyes instead of my muddy brown ones.

"Bella." Edward squeezes my shoulder. "Shh, calm down. Please."

But I can't.

Instead of the brown haired, hazel eyed babies I'd pictured, I see a sad Edward sitting alone next to her. He's always ranting and raving about how he can't wait to have a half a dozen children, but Jessica's made it a known fact that she's too selfish and will never have a child. Would he give up his dream for her?

Instead of walking down the aisle and staring into Edward's eyes. I'm alone in a pew watching her walk towards him in a glamorous Hollywood-like wedding instead of the country one I know he deserves.

Rather than growing old with him on the front porch of our house together, I'm alone.

I'm always alone without him.

I realize in that moment that no one would ever take Edward's place in my heart. Even if he decided that we were better off friends, I would never find someone that made me half as good as he does.

"Bella..." He grabs my face in between his hands and forces me to look at him. "Please stop crying. You're breaking my heart."

I decide that I have nothing to lose in any scenario I come up with. I'm alone and I don't want to be old and alone.

"I love you."

My eyes search his, but they give nothing away.

It's too quiet.

He's too quiet.

I'm losing everything.

I try to stand up, wanting nothing more than to get away from this situation. I want to crawl into my bed and wake up with a do over. I try to get away as fast as I can before the embarrassing sounds that are working their way up my throat come out, but he won't let me go. His arm is holding me tighter than before and I look up at him through blurry eyes to find him smiling like a goof ball.

My heart sinks because I'm afraid he's going to be cruel. How could Edward Cullen ever have feelings for boring Bella Swan?

And the sounds come. And they terrify me. They scare the shit out of Edward, causing his smile to fall and his arm to hold me impossibly tighter.

"Don't cry, Bella. Don't cry," he pleads.

But I can't. My sobs are choked up and luckily Edward realizes I'm making myself sick because he lets me go and I spring for the bathroom, howling the entire way until I make it to the toilet and expel everything I'd eaten.

What I wouldn't give for one of my mother's shirts at the moment. When I was little and would get upset like I am now, I would breathe in the smell of her shirt and it would help me calm down. But she's God knows where at the moment and I'm here making a goddamned fool out of myself.

And then he's there, holding my hair back and handing me a brown paper bag to breathe into to calm my erratic breathing.

Eventually I'm able to breathe without the aid of the paper bag. Edward helps me stand up and hands me my toothbrush. I'm so exhausted that I can't fight the fact that he just saw me like that. I brush my teeth lazily and lean over the sink to rinse my mouth out when my body gives in to the exhaustion and I go limp against the counter.