Chapter Ten
I agreed to talk to Bella.
She insisted that she wasn't comfortable having our conversation at school, so after a little convincing on my part, I talked her into skipping the last two classes of the day. We had a pep rally that neither of us cared about during sixth period anyway so it wasn't like we were going to miss anything important. I was beyond nervous as to what she had to say, but curiosity got the best of me and we made our get away.
We were able to make it to my car without much difficulty and twenty minutes later I found myself sitting at the kitchen island of the bright multi-colored house eating a rather large bowl of homemade chili that had been Bella and her mother's dinner the night before. After arriving at their house, Bella commented that she was hungry and didn't even ask before she placed the bowl in front of me with a plate of crackers, a bowl of cheddar cheese and some sour cream between us. We ate in silence enjoying the delicious meal and I insisted on doing the dishes afterward, while she sat at the island with her legs propped up in my abandoned chair. I am a gentleman after all and she went through the trouble to reheat lunch.
I had just started scrubbing the silverware when she cleared her throat.
"So my dad sent me a package. It didn't arrive until a week after Christmas," she laughed out. "He's never been one for punctuality. Anyway, it was filled with things I didn't pack that he thought I'd like to have here."
"That's thoughtful," I said, not turning to her.
"Yeah, he got me a really cool DVD player for my bedroom. He also sent me a present from Billy. That's J-Jake's dad, if you didn't remember. Billy was going through Jake's belongings and found a box with my name on it so he asked my dad to send it to me. They both thought I'd want to have it."
Bella sniffed as I continued washing the dishes. "It was a dream catcher. Jake made them as a hobby. I always begged him to make me one, but every time I did, he would just blow me off, so I let it go. When I opened that box and saw his handwriting... I lost it. It was like I was back in that hospital room, being told that my best friends were gone again."
I rinsed the last dish and turned around, leaning against the sink. I wanted to sit next to her and try to comfort her, but again my curiosity got the best of me and I remained where I stood. It took Bella a second to gather her bearings, but she continued.
"I woke up that night in the hospital. Apparently I had a panic attack and my mom had to call 911. The paramedics had to sedate me." She wrapped her arms around her, fighting off the internal struggle as she continued to speak. "The doctors thought I should be on suicide watch."
I froze in my spot and it didn't go unnoticed by Bella, who laughed sadly.
"Really Edward. After everything I've been through, if I was going to off myself, don't you think I would have already done it? Anyway we were able to compromise and I now spend three days a week down at the local community center with Garrett Damon, a grief counselor. He's the one that's been trying to talk me out of my funk and it's working, but not as fast as I would like. I talked to him about you. About how you've only ever tried to help me and the way I've treated you. After a lot of pushing on his part, he convinced me to talk to you. I was afraid that I'd pretty much scared you off with the way I've acted. Garrett told me that I needed to talk to you, to explain things and I've been trying."
"What makes today different?" I asked out of curiosity, cutting her off before she could speak.
"Well, I finished the book. I kept trying to talk to you, like the day I asked you to sit with me on the floor in the library. I had convinced myself to talk to you, but lost my nerve. Garrett told me to give myself a strict deadline, so I made a promise that when I was done reading my book that I would talk to you," she explained.
"You've been talking to me though."
"I know Edward," Bella sighed exasperatedly. "Talking about the weather and how disgusting Mr. Bush's room smells is a lot different than 'Hey! My dad sent me a friggin' present from my dead best friend and I had a meltdown.'"
"So you're only talking to me today because you finished reading Harry Potter?" I smirked, trying to hide the fact that the tidbit of knowledge sort of hurt.
"No. I mean, yes? I don't know Edward. I just needed the push." she sighed, rubbing her temples. "And I can see that maybe that wasn't such a good idea and that I've already messed things up. Again. Garrett said I should talk to you, and the more I do, the more I end up either pissing you off or hurting your feelings."
"Why are you doing this? It's like you take one step forward and then three steps back every time we talk. Why can't you just lay it all out on the table so that we can move on?" I asked, slumping onto the extra stool and put my head in my hands.
"Because it's harder than it looks, Edward," Bella replied softly. "I'm grieving and trying my hardest to move on, but I keep relapsing. You have no idea what's going through my mind. Hell, sometimes I have no idea what's going through my mind, but I am trying. Please don't give up on me. I need a friend."
Friend.
"Please," she whimpered.
"Please what, Bella?" I blurted out. "I've given you space. I've given you my time. I've skipped school for the first time ever, and now it's like a friggin' hobby with you. I don't know what else to do for you, Bella. I'm pretty sure I should just walk away and act as if I never met you."
She gasped, but I continued. "But I can't. Because ever since that first day that I saw you in front of that library, I've wanted nothing but to be here for you, and you've pretty much shut me out, sucked me back in and it's like we're doing the same thing every other day. I've told you how I feel and I think I'm starting to realize that maybe that just isn't good enough for you."
"Edward, you're wrong. I'm trying."
"You're trying, but I never see any of the outcomes, Bella!" I yelled, immediately feeling guilty for doing so. "I'm sorry. I should just go. I'll see you tomorrow at school."
"Edward, please!" Bella started to sob. "I really am trying, trying to show you that you're important to me. Please don't leave! I'm sorry!"
"What do you want from me, Bella? Can you answer that? What would me staying here with you do?" I demanded.
"I just want a friend, Edward."
My heart fell into my stomach.
"Just a friend?"
"Yes." She looked down at her hands, refusing to meet my gaze. "That's all."
"That's not good enough for me, Bella. I'm going to need time ,so don't get upset if I'm not in the library tomorrow. Alright?" I stood up and grabbed my keys off the counter.
"Fine," Bella sniffled.
"Bye Bella," I said, not wanting to be rude as I made my exit.
"Bye Edward."
I rushed out to my car as quickly as I could not wanting to linger. I wanted to cry, scream, hit something and cuddle up in my bed all at once, but managed to start my car and make my way home. I had just driven past the school when my phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Where the hell were you today?" Alice's voice rang shrilly in my ear.
"Dude... who cares about the stupid pep rally?" I sighed out.
"I know, Edward, but still. Where were you? If I would have known you were leaving, I would have came with you. God! The prep squad did this dance to one of my favorite songs and one of the guys on the basketball team got a boner. It was ridiculously disgusting," she sighed. "I don't think I can listen to that song again without getting the heeby-jeebies."
"Well, I didn't tell you because you weren't invited. And it was sort of spontaneous," I explained.
"Uh-oh. Does this have something to do with Bella Swan?" Alice giggled. "I'd tell you to hurry up and get home so you could explain everything to me, but I'm much too impatient. Tell me, tell me! What happened?"
"We talked. She doesn't want anything but friendship," I sighed.
"Aww, Eddie, I'm sorry. Jasper took me to Shakes after school and I've got a half a gallon of chocolate custard with your name on it in the freezer if you want to wallow."
"Why does everything always turn to food with you Ali?" I laughed.
"Eh, that's how girls work. We like food. And even if you won't admit it, frozen chocolate custard will totally mend your somewhat broken heart. So are you almost home?"
"Yeah give me like five minu-"
I was cut off by a loud horn blaring on my right and looked over at the same time the giant SUV smashed into the passenger side of my car. Of all the times to forget to fasten my seat-belt, it had to be today. My body was jerked wildly as the beast of a car dragged my Volvo across the asphalt.
I bounced off of the driver side door and cried out when my chest hit the steering wheel, effectively knocking the wind out of me. My head throbbed after I smacked it on something, whether it be my window or the roof of the car, I couldn't be certain. I just knew that it hurt. The screeching of metal and rubber on the road was almost as bad as the sounds coming from my phone that I still managed to have in a death grip. It hurt to breath as I brought my phone to my ear.
"Alic-"
The loud crash on my side of the car was the last thing I heard as both cars made it completely across the street and into the trees that lined the right side of the road. I watched a thick tree limb bust through the glass of my door before my sight grew dim and I passed out, succumbing to the massive amount of pain.
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