Chapter Nine
School had been back in session for almost two and a half weeks before Bella Swan even glanced at me.
Day in and day out we shared almost every class together, except for when I went to gym and she went to the library to do her book work. Each day I would try my best to ignore her presence, and each day I would fail at my attempts. She didn't even acknowledge me when we were in the same vicinity, such as when she sat next to Rose in Spanish and I sat on the other side, or when we were in Biology.
Luckily, Mr. Banner decided to show a couple of long and boring movies when we returned back from Christmas holiday instead of starting on the dissections, so we didn't have to interact. Inside I was dying, yearning for her to just give me a quick look, but it was all in vain. Each day, every period, she would hobble into the classroom and over to her desk, staring at the floor the entire way. She never once attempted to look my way or say excuse me as she scooted past me in Biology to get to her seat.
I could feel the heat from her body against my back even though we made no physical contact. I spent the majority of my time during the boring movies staring at the girl next to me out of the corner of my eye and ignoring the need to touch her. She spent the majority of her time writing in a small composition notebook that she had started carrying around when she returned to school with the rest of us. I tried to inconspicuously get a peek at what she was writing inside the notebook one time, but it was useless; she kept her hand over the page as she wrote.
Lunch was usually spent with me in between Alice and Emmett at the table we always sat at. Bella never came to the cafeteria for lunch, and even though I wanted to sneak away to go find her, my friends and overpowering little sister refused to let me leave without them.
I had been doing a good job disguising my inner struggles around my friends and family. I ate the usual two meals a day, lunch at school and dinner with the family at night, then, and only then, would I be permitted to go wallow in my bedroom.
Alice still talked to Bella in Economics every day. It wasn't uncommon to see the two of them with their heads pressed together during down time or when Mr. Bush wasn't paying attention. I suppressed the jealously I felt that my sister was able to talk to Bella, and Alice suppressed any information she gathered from Bella during their little discussions.
As the weeks wore on, and Bella still didn't give me the time of day, I tried to leech onto my friends for companionship rather than trying to get her to notice me. Unfortunately the weekends were filled with coupling things that I wasn't included in, so I spent the majority of my time in my bedroom with my video games and school work.
I still drove by Bella's house daily. Just to get a glimpse, or at least try to. Once I thought I might have seen her at her bedroom window. I couldn't be sure it was her because it was only for a second, and she and her mom look freakily alike. I also couldn't be certain seeing as I was driving by and the person I saw was in a second story window. I guess you could say I turned into a stalker, but I was desperate, infatuated almost.
The day Bella Swan gave me the time of day happened to be a Thursday, and it wasn't even by choice. I was late arriving to Biology because Alice, being the little twerp she is, accidentally took my book and it had my homework in it. I had just walked into the classroom when Mr. Banner started handing out the dissection trays and bags of frogs soaked in formaldehyde. Bella was scribbling in her notebook as I sat next to her, and she didn't stop until the teacher tossed the bag with our frog inside onto the desk we shared, causing her to jump and slam the notebook shut.
We listened to Mr. Banner drone on and on about lab rules and what we would be accomplishing today, even though we'd already dissected frogs when we were in junior high. Gotta love public school funding. As soon as he gave us the go ahead, I got up to get us a pair of aprons and lab goggles from the cabinet and handed Bella hers silently.
"Thanks," she said softly.
"You're welcome," I mumbled out of shock.
Emmett could be heard squealing across the room as Mike Newton pulled their frog out of the bag without gloves. The entire class was laughing at him as he practically crawled up the wall in an effort to get away from the dead amphibian. I even heard Bella giggle a little before she put her hair up in a rubber band and grabbed a pair of gloves. She made no move to touch the frog, so I read the instructions and removed it from the bag, placing it belly side up on the tray and pinning down all four limbs. Bella didn't say anything as I pulled the scalpel out of the small toolkit and started to make the first incision.
"Mr. Cullen, I'd appreciate if you allowed Bella to participate in this lab as well," Mr. Banner called from the front of the room. "So far I haven't seen her do anything yet, so let her be a part of the dissection please."
I looked over at the girl in question and found her frowning at our teacher with an indisputable amount of hatred shooting from her eyeballs to his sweaty balding head. I noticed that all of the other tables were already locating organs, so I held up the scalpel to get her attention and she reached out with a shaky hand to take it from me. I could feel the warmth of her hand through both her gloves and mine. Is it possible for a boy to swoon?
"It's alright," she said, calmly inhaling through her mouth and exhaling out of her nose as she stared at the slab. "I can do this."
I watched her make a quick slice down the middle of our frog, squirming when it was finally open. I noticed that Banner had taken a great interest in the two of us, most likely to make sure she was doing some of the work, so I handed her the tiny little forceps and a couple of pins so that we could explore the internal organs.
"So how was your Christmas vacation?" she asked quietly as she worked.
"Umm..." was my brilliant response.
"I'm going to hurl if I'm not distracted. So how was your Christmas vacation? Or the rest of it at least?" she asked again, her voice choppy.
"Oh good. Um, the Triple D's left and I spent the majority of my break organizing my iTunes and getting my old files transferred to my new computer." And pining over you, I added silently. "What about you?"
"It was good," she answered shortly, moving the pointer tool thingy around until she located the first organ and answered the question on the work sheet we'd been given. "As a senior in high school, don't you think that we cut up more than enough animals? I mean, I think this is, like, my fourth or fifth frog, and each time I cut open one it gets more disgusting."
"Yeah, well, the school is funded publicly so they can't afford fetal pigs and other grosser things so that's something to be thankful for, I guess," I answered, shrugging. I decided to dig a little deeper, seeing as she was feeling particularly talkative today. "So what did you get for Christmas?"
I watched her tense up, tossing the pointer stick down and turning back to her worksheet. "Kermit's all yours," Bella said.
The rest of the period I worked alone. I answered all of the questions on my worksheet, cleaned up Kermit, as he was so aptly named, and disinfected our entire table while Bella scribbled in her tiny notebook like the bipolar and infuriating being she is. She'd basically used me as a distraction and now that I'd served my purpose, it was back to acting as if I didn't exist.
I couldn't stomach my lunch after having just cut up a member of The Muppets, so instead of meeting Alice at my locker, I headed out to the quad for some quiet time with my iPod. Students had already arrived, taking all of the shade for themselves, so I decided to just roam the hallways instead. Luckily our school was pretty lenient about lunch time. So long as we didn't make a ruckus, we were permitted to walk around the school, sit in the library or on the quad. I could have gone off of campus for lunch, but chose instead to go check the library for a book that I had been looking forward to reading.
By the time I got to the library, my shirt was sticking to my back with perspiration. The cool air hit me, welcoming me into the building along with the smell of old books and magazines. I've admitted before, and I will again, I'm a self proclaimed bookworm and proud of it. I waved hello to the old librarian and she gave me a warm smile, in return showing off the dark pink lipstick she'd managed to get on her front teeth.
Where our school lacked in funding, they made up for it in donations. Our library was huge, bigger than the public one in town. I checked the old index card log that we still used to keep track of the books and noticed that the book I'd been waiting for still hadn't been returned. Instead of dwelling, I decided to go aisle by aisle until I found something to catch my eye. It was in aisle H-K that I found something I hadn't exactly been looking for.
"I didn't know you liked Harry Potter," I blurted out when really I should have just gone to the next aisle and pretended like I didn't see her. She jumped a little and stood quickly from where she sat on the floor reading the seventh instalment of the series.
"I don't, I mean I, uh..." Bella stammered, blushing and bending down to refasten her walking brace. "I was just looking for something to read because I forgot my book at home and realized I hadn't read this one yet."
"Hmm, it's alright. Alice made Jasper and I go with her to the release party in the next town over. She dressed up and everything," I said, chuckling. "We used to read Harry Potter to each other when we were in elementary school, so it was sort of tradition to continue."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and hilarious as hell. Tomorrow in Eco you should ask her to do her best Howler impression. Priceless." And then I heard it again, and I was positive the noise I had heard earlier came from the same source. Bella Swan tipped her head to the side and covered her mouth with one hand, emitting a small giggle that made my insides melt, 'cause I'm a loser like that.
It was then that I realized that she was looking good, healthy even. Her cheeks had color in them and not just from being embarrassed. Her hair was braided in the back of her head, but pieces were falling. Her clothes actually fit her and matched, rather than a hodge-podge of whatever she threw on weeks ago when I first met her. I could still see the haunting pain in her eyes and features, but it was also as if I was talking to a new person, as if maybe I should introduce myself to this better Bella.
"What?" she snapped, pulling me out of my ogling.
"Huh?"
"You're staring at me like I have something on my face," she said, subconsciously rubbing her mouth and cheeks.
"No, it's just... Nothing."
"Oh."
"Yeah, well, I'm going to look for a book," I replied, pointing to the shelves. "You enjoy yours."
"Yeah, thanks. You, too, I guess."
Bella smiled somewhat kindly before sitting back down on the floor where she had been. I started surveying the different titles by just their bindings, something I'd always done. Judged books by their covers. I was just about to turn the corner and head for the aisle when Bella called me back. "If you find something to read, you're welcome to share the floor with me. Mrs. Woods doesn't like it when students take up the tables during lunch break."
When I said that Bella Swan talked to me for the first time, and it not being by her choice, did I mention that later on she made up for hurting my feelings by inviting me to sit on a cruddy library floor while we read? No? Well she did.
We weren't friends or anything. Hell we didn't even talk, but for the next two days, I skipped lunch and sat on the floor between aisle H-K with Bella. She read and I watched her read, and after the second day, she stopped calling me out on it. I do believe we were making progress. Albeit at a snail's pace, but I'd take what I could get.
I spent the weekend doing yard chores that I'd put off for far too long and Monday during Biology, even though she didn't say anything, Bella did send me a shy smile before turning back to her book work. That smile had me internally happy dancing all the way to lunch/ library time. We took our seats, her on one side of the aisle and me on the other, our legs stretched out in front of us, almost touching, but never actually doing so.
Bella finished the last chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with a sniffle and turned to me. "Do you think we can talk?"
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