Southern Comfort: Chapter 21

Southern Comfort

Chapter Twenty One

"What do we do?" I ask, unable to get out of the tub because Edward's arms are frozen around me in panic.

"Um..." Edward pants against my back.

We don't have enough time to mull over our options because there's a soft, but melodic knock on the bathroom door.

"Bella? It's mom. Are you in there?" my mother's voice sings from the other side of the door.

"Uh, yeah mom," I call. "Give me a couple of minutes and I'll meet you in the living room. I'm just rinsing off now."

"Oh nonsense. I pushed you out of my uterus and bathed you for your entire childhood; it's nothing I haven't seen before. I'm coming in." The knob jiggles.

I try to jump up and out of the water so that I can lock it before she figures out how to get the door open. In my haste, I accidentally knee Edward in his stomach. He lets out a loud masculine groan and the knob stops moving.

"Isabella Marie Swan, do you have a boy in the bathtub with you?" Rather than scolding, my mother's voice is full of laughter.

I practically give myself whiplash from the amount of times my head flashes to the door, wondering if I should lock it, and back to the bathtub where my boyfriend, I mean fiancé, is doubled over holding his stomach and then back to the door once again. My mother makes my decision for me when she starts jiggling the knob this time in an earnest attempt to get inside the bathroom. I skid across the room and throw myself at the door, my nervous hand fumbling to engage the tiny lock into place.

"Jesus mom! Give me five minutes, please," I beg.

"It's highly unadvisable to have intercourse in the water you know," she lectures. I'm still leaning against the door and I can feel her rest against it and slide down to the floor. "Urinary tract infections, yeast inf-"

"MOM PLEASE!" I scream.

It's so easy for her to turn me into a blushing fifteen year old again. I order her to leave the door and my bedroom for that matter and tell her that I'll be out in a few minutes. I hear her mumble something about grandbabies as she stalks away from the door.

"Oh my god!" Edward wheezes, still hunched over in pain. "That was hilarious."

It's then that I realize his doubled over pose is so that my mother wouldn't detect the silent laughter racking his body.

Glaring at the idiot in the tub, I grab my fuzzy bathrobe and wobble out of the bathroom because the whole sprint to the door has me feeling all the more sore between my legs. Edward whisper yells for me to come back, but I ignore him and search through my closet for something presentable to wear in front of my mom.

Edward's still chuckling away as he climbs out of the tub and dries off. I can hear him talking to himself and that just makes me even angrier. He eventually calms down and exits the bathroom, a smirk still firmly planted on his handsome face.

"You have to admit that was funny," he presses as he steps into a pair of pajama bottoms.

"How in the world was that funny, Edward?" I scold him in my quietest scolding voice. "My mother almost walked into the bathroom and saw the two of us."

"How old are you, Bells?" He wraps his arms around me, but I'm still angry, so I'm like a dead fish in his embrace.

"Twenty-eight," I snap.

"And who owns this house?" His lips caress the skin of my neck.

"I do," I reply, not exactly getting the point of these stupid questions.

"Then what's the problem? You're a grown adult, living in a house that you bought. You can make your own decisions." He picks up my left hand and kisses my engagement ring. "Well now you have to run stuff by me."

"Really?" I laugh. "You don't own me."

He gives me a look.

"Okay fine, you own me. But I'm still an adult," I argue.

"And you're allowed to have sex and take baths with your fiancé. So stop worrying and don't be embarrassed." He kisses my lips. "Your mother is going to be ecstatic. She's always wanted me as her own. Now it'll just be permanent."

"So we're going to tell her about the engagement?" I ask.

"TOO LATE!" My mother bursts through the bedroom door with a wide smile on her face. I'm shocked to see that she's shaven her head and her eyebrows are penciled in, but then again it's my mother I'm talking about. Nothing should surprise me when it comes to her.

"The two of you aren't nearly as quiet as you think you are," she beams bypassing me and heading straight for Edward. "I'm so happy."

Edward gives me an 'I am so her favorite' look and I flip him off. My mother is rambling about different wedding ceremonies I have to choose from, so I tune her out and head for the kitchen to make a pitcher of iced tea. I'm slicing lemons when she decides to give me attention, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling my left hand up, paring knife and all, straight to her face so that she can get a look at my ring.

"Ooh, horse doctor," she whistles. "Looks like I don't have to ask if you can provide for my daughter and y'alls pups."

"Mom," I groan.

"What? You're almost thirty and I'm... well, I'm old enough to be a grandmother now. I've been waiting for grandbabies since you started your period at twelve." She lets go of my hand but keeps her arms around me. "I'm just kidding, babydoll. I'm happy for the two of you. Really."

"Thank you," I huff, returning to the task at hand. Slicing the damn lemons.

"So is this going to be a shotgun wedding?" Renee asks as I set a tray of Toll House cookies onto the table in front of Edward.

I don't even know what word I'm going for when I let out a feral sounding growl, wishing she would back off. My mother's penciled on eyebrows shoot upwards and she raises her hands in defense.

"I'm just asking. Christ, Bella," she laughs. "After almost walking into the bathroom, I can't help but to ask if the two of you are being safe."

Being safe.

Out in the woods, Edward never pulled out a condom and I'm pretty sure the ones in my nightstand expired well before the two of us ever met. I haven't been on the pill since I was twenty three because I started gaining unwanted weight. My hands shoot to my stomach because there is a probability that I could in fact be pregnant.

My mother takes that as a no and starts bawling into her hands with glee.

Edward's staring at me with a careful smile. He knows what's going through my mind right now and he doesn't know how I'm taking it. He winks and I smile back because we've covered this discussion even before we got together. We both want a family. My mother is snotting all over my kitchen table while I grow comfortable with the fact that I might be carrying Edward's child.