Chapter Eight
"So let me get this straight," Emmett said, before taking a huge bite out of his sub. "You finally fall in love with a girl and she ends up being so fucked in the head that she can't even sleep?"
"Don't talk about Bella like that," I interrupted with a growl, wondering why in the hell I even told him the predicament that I was in. No matter what was going on with Bella and me, I refuse to let him talk about her in that way.
"Whoa there, lover boy. Let me finish," he defended, holding his hands up, one of his huge hands still holding the sub. "So she tells you her story and then informs you that she can't be your friend? Your little declaration of love and then running was a bitch move, but this moping around and shit is turning you into a pussy man." He shook his head and stood up. "I'm going to get some of those cookies. You want?"
"Nah, I-"
"Of course not. You haven't eaten since your sister found you sitting on the front steps with your head in your hands, having a meltdown," Emmett cut me off, before pushing my sub towards me. "You better eat, I'll be right back."
(Flashback)
"You're not the only one that's broken by all this, Bella."
And with that I turned and ran down the street.
Despite the fact that I lived over a thirty minute drive away from Bella's house, I refused to stop and borrow a phone to call someone to come get me and instead ran for over an hour. Tears blurred my vision and I didn't care if anyone saw me in my distraught state. The farther I got from her house, the harder it became for me to breathe, but I ignored the pain in my chest.
She had made her choice, I told myself. She had made it clear that we would get absolutely nowhere together and I needed to get over this crush.
Turning and running down my street, I stopped short as I made it to my front yard. It hit me then that it was no use if I attempted to get over her because it wasn't a silly teenage crush. Bella Swan had stolen my heart before I even realized it.
I sat on the front steps of my house, waiting for someone to come let me in and broke down allowing the pain to take over me.
"Edward?" Alice's voice was careful. "Are you okay? You're all sweaty. Are you crying?"
Not wanting to deal with any pity, sympathy or advice from the little pip squeak, I stood up and walked into the house. After entering my bedroom, I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into my bed, ignoring the timid knocks on the door and threats from the Triple D's before they left that night.
(End flashback)
The rest of Christmas break had went by in the same exact fashion.
Alice would knock on my bedroom door for an hour or two in the morning before giving up, then my mom would bring me food once a day because even though she respected my need for solitude, she didn't want me to make myself sick even though I already was.
My father stopped coming to talk to me after he attempted to prescribe me depression medication and tried to convince me to see a therapist. It could have been the pussy ass temper tantrum that I had thrown or even the insane amount of tears that came out of my dehydrated body, who knows. My dad hightailed it out of my room and I hadn't really seen him since. The men in our family weren't very emotional people, but apparently I was the only exception.
I did catch a glimpse of him when I was walking out of the bathroom and he was walking into Alice's bedroom. He gave me a sad smile before closing the door behind him and I was grateful that my parents were allowing me to be by myself. I only wish that Alice would have respected my wishes.
School was starting back up tomorrow and it wasn't even ten o'clock this morning when Emmett burst through my bedroom door under Alice's direct orders.
(Flashback)
The intro to The Golden Girls had just begun for the second time. Why was I watching it? Oh, because I stepped on the remote control accidentally, turning it to the Lifetime channel, and forgot to pick it up on my way back to my bed... yesterday. I could have got up and picked the fucking thing off of the floor, but I had absolutely no motivation to do so. It wasn't as if I was really paying any attention to the damn TV. I just had it on so that I wasn't sitting in the dark silence.
If someone asked me why I was acting this way, I wouldn't be able to answer them. The truth was that I was hurt. My mom had told me one morning when she brought me food that everyone hurt when their first love ends badly. I just rolled over and covered my head with a pillow, having no intentions of eating the mush after her short words of wisdom. Bella wasn't my first love because my love for her was unrequited. Yet it hurt so unbelievably badly knowing that, even if I couldn't have her love, she refused to allow me to even offer her a friendship.
There was another timid knock on my bedroom door before it was kicked in, ricocheting off of the wall and causing me to jump up and curse loudly. Emmett's bulky body came through the doorway and he barreled towards me, throwing my body over his shoulder like I weighed next to nothing, before running out of the room and down the hall towards the bathroom. In the midst of my fury and attempts at fighting off my attacker, I saw Alice standing in the bathroom, the shower running and a pile of brand new clothes, complete with socks and a pair of shoes, on the counter beside her.
"Sorry big brother, you need this whether you want to admit it or not," she said, smiling sadly before exiting the room quickly. Emmett opened the door to the shower and tossed me inside fully clothed in the pajamas I had changed into days ago.
"She's right bro. Take a shower and get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs in twenty."
(End flashback)
"You haven't even taken one bite of that sub, Ed," Emmett said, collapsing in his chair across from me. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I don't know, Emmett," I snapped. "I feel like I've lost my will to live, so why bother with showering, eating or any of that shit. You have no idea what it's like to go through what I'm am right now. You guys just need to leave me the fuck alone."
"That's just the thing dude. Your alone time isn't doing you any good. All you do is sit in your bedroom. And don't think I didn't notice that you were watching chick shit when I was helping Alice change your sheets that she has to now burn to get that rank ass smell out," Emmett grimaced. "What the hell. It's just a girl, Edward."
"It's not just a girl, you asshole." I stood up and leaned over the table. "It's the girl. I hardly fucking know her, yet I've locked myself away for over a week, basking in my own filth because I can't not be with her. My heart is broken because she doesn't want anything to do with me."
Emmett looked around before turning back to me. "Calm down, dude. All I'm saying is that she's just the first person of the opposite sex that you found any interest in, and just because she doesn't feel the same way about you doesn't mean you have to destroy yourself and worry the hell out of your friends and family over her. How much more are you going to lose over this crush?"
His words sliced through me like a knife and I felt all of the air leave my lungs as I sat down in my chair heavily. Without even knowing it, Bella had stolen my heart. I couldn't be angry at her because she had no idea of it until I had informed her, before running away like a scared kid. The anger fell on me because it was my mistake. I shouldn't be hurt by her not returning my affections because sometimes that's how life was. If anything, I should swallow my loss because it was almost ridiculous for me to develop these types of feelings for someone after knowing them for so little time. It could even be possible that it wasn't love that I felt towards the broken girl. The pains in my chest at that thought told me otherwise.
"Ed-man? You alright?" Emmett asked, his mouth full of cookie.
"I'm fine," I said through clenched teeth.
"Yeah? Well prove it. Eat half that sandwich and I'll give you a cookie," he taunted, waving one in front of me. "Then we'll go get
kicked out of Toys R Us or something fun."
Just to get him off my back, I picked up half of my meatball sandwich and took a hearty bite, inwardly grimacing at the cardboard taste. Instead of dwelling on it, I wolfed down the half, and a couple of chips for good measure, before wiping my mouth and looking up at the smug bastard.
"Alice owes me ten bucks," he boasted.
"How come?"
"I bet her that I could get you to eat. She told me not to hold my breath, but look at you." He passed a cookie over to me, but I ignored it. My stomach was rolling with what was already in it and my mood hadn't exactly changed, but I refused to let anyone else suffer over my defaults.
"You ready to go play with some toys?" Emmett asked, slyly snatching the cookie he had offered me back and shoving it in his mouth.
"Sure. If we get arrested, we're calling your parents." I stood up and gathered our garbage.
The rest of the day was spent making up for lost time on my part. I allowed Emmett to get us kicked out of Toys R Us and we even got a police escort out of the local Walmart after we fought with foam swords in the toy section, scaring little kids and parents alike. It was all good fun, but inside I was still feeling down and out, and I refused to let Emmett see that part of me. When he dropped me off at my house, Alice was sitting in the living room with our parents. The surprised looks on their faces when I sat down next to my little sister and asked what they were watching only caused the guilt to increase. We sat together and watched a few movies from our childhood thanks to Alice's need to get her Tink on, or whatever it was.
I didn't go upstairs to go to sleep until after Alice started yawning, internally high-fiving myself at the smiles every member of my family shot my way, and said goodnight. Once I was nestled in my bed, it was a whole 'nother story. Everything hit me head on as soon as I shut my lamp off. The guilt, that I had been so absolutely selfish with my family and friends, washed over me like the darkness. Emmett's and Alice's enthusiasm at each and everything I said or did today had only made it worse.
The anger I felt for Bella not feeling the same for me, as I did for her, hit me like a ton of bricks, and the added stress and hurt of that resulted in my curling in an almost fetal position. This wasn't like me. I had never been the type of person to allow one thing that went wrong to turn me into a crying, sulking, wallowing baby. Yet in walks Bella Swan, and now look at me. I had fallen in love with the unlovable and there wasn't a damn thing I could do.
A small knock on the door brought me out of my entirely fucked up train of thought.
"Come in," I called, my voice thick with emotion. The door slowly opened revealing Alice's small form. She shyly entered the room,
her fuzzy hot pink throw still wrapped around her shoulders as she shut the door behind her and laid down next to me.
"Hi," she whispered.
"Hi."
"Are you mad at me?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling a little.
"How could I be mad at you, Ali?"
"Because I had Emmett come in and man handle you. Because I've been bothering you since you came home from Bella's house that day, even though you asked for me to leave you alone."
"Alice..." I tried to interrupt, but she just kept on speaking.
"Because I had Emmett kidnap you today and try to force you to eat and have fun. And you didn't have to watch movies with me and the 'rents. I mean, yeah. we missed you, but I can tell you're still hurting. I can feel it in here," she said softly as she placed her hand over her heart. "And I don't want you to hurt because I hurt, too. I just want to make it better. The thing I'm most sorry for is allowing the Triple D's to abandon you there. If we hadn't left you there, you wouldn't be like this. I'm just sorry."
It was quiet for a few minutes before I spoke. "Are you finished?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I'll go," Alice whispered sadly before pulling herself up, but I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her to me.
"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for acting like a jackass and crawling into a hole over something that was completely out of our control. I'm sorry that you and mom and dad had to hu-"
She put her hand over my mouth to shut me up. "It's fine. I have no idea what you're going through, so I can't relate. Just know that I love you and that no matter what you do, you're always going to be my favorite person in the world. You're the best big brother a girl can ask for," she said softly.
"Alice?" I asked.
"Hmm?"
"Why are we whispering?"
"Because it's late and we have school tomorrow. Don't want to get in trouble with mom and dad," she shrugged. "Whispering means more anyway. It ensures that the person you're conversing with will pay attention to you because they have to strain to hear you."
"Alice?"
"Yeah?"
"You're a goof ball."
"I know this." She shrugged again before burrowing into my extra pillow. "Can I sleep here tonight? I'm too lazy to get up, otherwise you will have to carry me back to my room."
"Alice?"
"Yep?"
"Shut up and go to sleep."
"'Kay."
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