I Want To Save You: Ch 12

Chapter Twelve

"Edward Anthony, you better sit your sorry ass back down in that recliner or so help me..." Alice seethed from her perch on Jasper's lap. The two of them were sitting on the couch across from where I was trapped under about ten blankets and an umpteen amount of pillows. My arm was propped up against a cushy beanie pillow.

"Alice, I have to pee," I lied.

"Nuh-uh," she answered, shaking her head. "That's what you said last time and you almost tore your stitches out trying to get upstairs. You need to chill the fuck out and enjoy your little mini vacation while you can."

"Mini Hell's more like it," I muttered, causing Jasper to snort and spray Alice with the Sprite he had been sipping.

"I heard that, Edward!" Alice screeched as she reached for the nearest box of tissues to dab her shirt dry. "Don't make me call mom. She asked me to stay home and keep an eye on you, so stop making my job so friggin' difficult."

"She asked for you to keep an eye on me as in 'if I text you needing something, run downstairs and grab it for me,'" I scoffed. "I'm pretty sure she didn't mean for you to call Jasper over and the two of you to sit here with me the entire day. Trust me, I'm injured enough. I don't need to sit here and witness the two of you trying to eat each other's faces. My retinas weren't injured in the accident, but I'm starting to wish they had been."

"Shut the fuck up!" Alice screamed, standing up. "I'm so tired of hearing you joke about this. Grow up and stop being a fucking tool. Sit down and watch the fucking movie you picked out or I'm going to call mom and tell her what an ass hat your being."

Uh-oh. Alice said 'fuck' three times in less than thirty seconds, a direct inclination that she's about to blow a gasket.

"Fine, Alice. I'll be good." I rolled my eyes. The truth was, I was extremely restless. I had been home for almost a week and not able to leave the living room except to use the bathroom. The incision on my chest and the giant cast on my arm enabled me to even be able to take a fucking shower, so instead of allowing my over protective mother the pleasure of giving me a sponge bath, I'd been wiping down with a wet washcloth and unscented baby wipes.

My dad had given me direct orders that I needed to remain relaxed and somewhat inclined to make sure that I didn't compress the lung that was healing. I'd spent the past six days sitting in this fucking recliner, eating in this recliner and sleeping in it. Yes, it was comfy and plush, but it wasn't my bed.

My family waited on me hand and foot and that pissed me off to no end, but they wouldn't relent. Granted, I sort of needed the bed rest; my entire body was sore and it was still excruciatingly painful to breathe deeply or talk loudly. I tried to get up and walk around after everyone went back to bed the other night and ended up crying like a bitch against the kitchen counter until my father found me. After that I was on watch, but Alice was taking it to the next level. She slept on the couch and I was surprised she hadn't set up booby traps for me just in case I tried to get up at night. I wanted to go sit on the front porch, but Alice argued that Jasper wasn't strong enough to help me, so I sent a text to Rose asking her to bring her strong boyfriend over for the day so that he could help me out.

She replied saying that they were held up for a bit, but they'd come as soon as they could, much to my disappointment. They both had been too busy this week to come see me and I was starting to feel a little neglected by my best friends. She also informed me that they were bringing an extra person, but I just figured it was Bree, Emmett's little four year old sister.

I watched a couple of minutes of the God awful movie that I regrettably picked out, trying to ignore the sound of hushed whispers and lip smacking across the room. The pain started to increase and I knew I was due for another happy pill soon, but I didn't want to interrupt Alice. I had been the reason why she was stuck in the house on a Saturday instead of driving out to Port Angeles with Jasper. It drove me nuts that they couldn't seem to keep it PG while they were in the room with me, but I didn't want to piss her off anymore. She is the keeper of the meds and I didn't want her to deny me pain relief. I gave up on the movie and was just about to try to convince myself into taking a nap when my phone buzzed with a text from Rose.

You know I luv yah rite? it read, so I sent her a reply asking her to elaborate.

Just kno that I wuld never do NE-thing 2 piss u off kay? Im only tryin 2 help, she replied.

I was clearly confused until the front door swung open and three sets of footsteps headed for the living room. Alice and Jasper broke apart as soon as they realized we had company and the three of us were more than surprised when we realized who the third set of footsteps belonged to. Bella Swan stood behind Emmett looking down at the floor and shaking like a fucking leaf with nerves. Her bottom lip was fully sucked into her mouth and I could tell that she was stretching the end of her shirt out by the way she kept pulling and twisting at it.

"What's she doing here?" Alice asked, not bothering to be polite to our guest. Back in the hospital room after Alice informed me that I rudely kicked Bella out of my room, I begged her to go and get Bella to allow me to apologies for how rudely I acted, but Alice refused. She thought that deep down inside of me there was a little part of me that was tired of Bella's shit. I told her she was full of it.

The only thing keeping me from getting a hold of Bella myself was my lack of her number and the fact that I couldn't get up and walk to the bathroom without suffering immense pain, let alone getting in a car and driving to her house. Alice refused to help me out and continued her 'I hate Bella crusade'. As close as I was to Rose, I didn't want to bring her into my problems, thinking maybe she sided

with Alice. I was evidently wrong on that account.

"Edward called and invited us over," Rose shrugged. "I told him that we were bringing an extra person and he didn't say there was anything wrong with that."

Alice's eyes turned into little slits as she eyed the fidgeting girl behind the big hulk of a boy. Her hand rested on her hip, her tiny foot tapping harshly against the wood floor. "She's not invited into this house. You need to leave," she directed towards Bella.

"Now listen here A-" Rose started, but Bella cut her off.

"It's fine, Rose. I know I'm not welcome here," she said softly, just above a whisper. "It's not like I came here on my own. Rose practically forced me into the car without telling me where we were going. I'll just go and call my mom."

"No you won't."

"That sounds like a great idea."

Rose and Alice spoke at the same time, scowling at each other as they spoke. "This isn't your house, Rose. You need to be respectful," Alice said.

"And you need to stop being such a little bitch, Ali," Rose snarled. "Seriously, if you focused on something other than yourself for five goddamn minutes, you'd realize that Edward's turning into a fucking emo after what happened at the hospital."

"I have noticed!" Alice leapt forward, but Jasper grabbed her. I tried to stand up, but couldn't manage to; the pain was doubling as I started to get excited. I attempted to get their attention, but I couldn't yell or talk loudly for that matter, so their yelling drowned me out.

"No you haven't! You weren't even there when he woke up later!" Rose yelled, her hands tightly fisted that her knuckles were white. I knew she was close to punching the shit out of my sister, but there was nothing I could do. "You were too busy making out with Jasper out in his car when he woke up."

"What does this have to do with anything?" Alice questioned. "He didn't want her there. He told her to get the fuck out."

"He did not tell her to get the fuck out, you drama queen. He told her he didn't want her there." Rose rolled her eyes and turned to me, her face full of regret. "You woke up later that night, Edward. You were pretty fucking high as a kite, but you told me that you sent her away because you didn't want her to see you all banged up after your accident. You couldn't bear for her to be in any pain, so you sent her away."

"You're lying," Alice accused.

"Bitch please." Rose rolled her eyes before turning to me. "The only reason Emmett and I haven't been over here every day is because we were with Bella. So Jasper is going to take Alice upstairs and Emmett and I are going to help you out to the porch so that you can get some fresh air. Then you and Bella are going to talk."

Alice scoffed, but Rose just sent her a death glare. "You and Bella are going to talk because it's obvious that shit needs be to be settled before one of you starts cutting yourself. Seriously, the two of you make me want to go hang out in a goddamn Hot Topic or some shit."

Alice looked over at me in question. "You're going to listen to this bullshit?"

I nodded at the moment, not caring that she was the keeper of the pain medication. She huffed and grabbed Jasper's arm pulling him up the stairs and slamming her bedroom door roughly. Bella was still staring at the floor, fidgeting like a crack addict, not making any inclination that she was with or against the plans.

And then there were four.

"Alright, Edward. You're looking a little shitty, so let me know where your pain meds are before we try to move yah," Rose instructed, pulling blankets off of my lap, careful not to jostle me too much.

Ten minutes later, I was sitting on a low to the ground plastic chair that Rose covered with blankets to make it cushiony. I had taken my pill with a few crackers and was just waiting for it to take effect to dull the ache in my chest and arm. Bella was sitting directly across from me with her back against one of the pillars that held the roof up. She had yet to look at me.

"Alright you two. Emmett and I are going inside to watch TV. Just call if you need something," Rose said.

"Yeah, no fighting. Eddie's already messed up enough," Emmett joked before giving me a wink. "Don't do anything I would do."

I watched the door shut before I turned back to Bella, who was playing with the strap to her walking boot nervously. I rested against my pillow enjoying the warm sun that I hadn't seen in days.

"So are we going to talk or just sit in awkward silence?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Um, talk I guess?" Bella said quietly.

"How'd you know I was in the hospital?" I asked, keeping my eyes closed because I liked the way the sun made everything red under my eyelids.

"I was there with Garrett. I had called him after you left and asked if he could talk to me. He was headed for the hospital to do something and came to pick me up. We drove past your car." Her voice broke off. "They were pulling it up onto a tow truck and I just knew something bad happened to you."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, opening my eyes and looking down at her.

"You got in an accident and almost died and you're apologizing?" Bella asked her voice full of confusion.

"Well, I know how hard it must have been for you to see that," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm sorry that I was so rude to you when you came in. I mean... I'm sure it took guts to even come to the hospital and then I treated you that way."

"You weren't as bad as Alice evidently told you that you were." Bella smiled, looking up at me for the first time and wincing.

"Do I look that bad?" I tried joking.

"No, no. You look perfect, Edward. I mean... for someone with a broken arm and other injuries. I'm just happy that you're alright for the most part. Garrett told me that it wouldn't be a good idea to go to the hospital. I think maybe he was worried that you had died in the accident and was worried about how that would affect me. I refused to let him take me home and I practically attacked the nurse until she gave me your information." Bella stopped talking and her face flushed.

"What happened? Did they give you trouble?"

"They did until..." she choked nervously. "I told them I was your girlfriend and then she sort of gave me your information willy nilly. That's dangerous, you know? I mean anyone could have said that."

"Eh, it's fine. I'm pretty sure you're the only one that used that excuse," I shrugged.

"Anyway, I sort of contemplated it for a while, whether or not I was going to go in after what happened at my house," Bella continued as she wiped her eyes. "And then your friends showed up and Emmett sort of made my decision for me."

"Yeah, he's pretty persuasive," I chuckled, wincing in pain only a little.

"Nah, just huge and intimidating." Bella giggled before becoming serious once again. "When you told me that you didn't want me there I figured it was because I'd ruined any chances of being friends with you. I accepted it. Rose showed up at my house the next day and she and Emmett have never really left except to go home and sleep. And then she forced me here today."

"Yeah, she learned that from Emmett. I'm glad you're here. I couldn't exactly come over to your house to apologize and I don't have your number, and it doesn't' help that Alice is acting the way she is. I'm sorry about that by the way."

"No, don't be," Bella defended. "You two are close. I know that. Don't ever apologize about that. She's right anyway. I'm pretty much acting like a damn yo-yo with you."

"Huh?" I grunted in confusion as she scooted closer to me.

"I lied, Edward. It's all a part of my guilt over Jake and Vanessa. Garrett came over and hung out with Emmett, Rosalie and I, and helped me realize that, especially in these past couple of days," she smiled before continuing, "I started to like you and that's why I pushed you away."

"That doesn't make sense," I blurted out.

"Let me finish please. I started to feel things for you and I immediately thought back to Vanessa and Jake. I felt guilty about being happy, Edward." Bella started to cry and I wanted so badly to get up and comfort her. "How can I be happy without them? How can I move on with my life when they never got to live theirs?"

"That's just it, Bella," I sighed. "They're gone and now you need to live your life to the fullest or their deaths are in vain."

"I know that now. Garrett's going to make one hell of a psychologist," she said, smiling.

"So what does this mean?"

Bella stood up and walked over to me, kneeling in front of my chair and taking my hand in both of hers. "Edward Cullen, will you go on a date with me?"

I Want To Save You: Ch 11

Chapter Eleven

Dying is painful. Seriously.

That shit you see in the movies where people are killed instantly and they go off to the hereafter lickity split? Yeah, instead of the bright white light and being handed a pair of wings and a halo, I suffered immense pain. I could barely breathe. It felt like I could exhale, but inhaling was excruciatingly painful.

I was ready to die, to go to heaven and get away from this feeling. My entire left side felt like it was on fire, as if I were being burned alive and it took me a little while to realize that I wasn't dead or dying. So many noises could be heard all around me, but I couldn't decipher where it was coming from or what it was in general.

I lifted my head, immediately regretting the action as the pain flowed from the top of my skull to my toes. I then opened my eyes and found myself face to face with a giant tree trunk. It was then that I remembered the car accident.

Without moving my neck, I tried to assess the situation and realized I was seriously fucked. My left arm was twisted painfully almost behind my back against the back of my seat; my shirt was covered in blood. I could tell the blood was coming from my nose because it was flowing freely, tickling my lips and neck. My legs were fine from what I could tell, just a little scrunched up in the position I found myself in. My right arm had somehow weaved itself into the steering wheel, and I was facing towards the driver side door of my car instead of the front.

The worst part was the branch protruding from the trunk of the huge tree my car had smashed into and had stabbed me in the chest. Every breath I took I could feel it inching further and further.

"Hey dude, you alright in there?" a voice called from the passenger side of the car.

"Not really," I gasped out almost silently in an effort not to waste too much of the precious air I was trying to conserve. I could hear him going through my glove compartment rustling through my stuff. "Edward Cullen?"

I grunted in response.

"Well, my name is Marcus, and I'm going to sit with you while the rest of my crew gets the other car out of the way so that we can get to you out properly. I want you to remain calm and as still as you can, it shouldn't take too long. We have an ambulance waiting so as soon as we get that asshole's car out of the way we'll get you out," he said, his voice calming. "Now I can't see the front of you and from the sound of it, you're in a great deal of pain, so I want you to try your hardest to communicate with me. Alright Edward?"

I managed another grunt.

"Good, are you in pain?"

I was grunting before he even finished his sentence trying to convey that I was indeed in a great deal of pain.

"Alright, well, I'll see what I can do for you once I get inside. Don't worry about replying," he directed as the sound of metal crunching filled the air. "My boys are pulling the SUV off of you now, so don't be alarmed if you're jostled again. Try to remain as still as you possibly can. Don't worry about replying."

He wasn't lying when he warned me about the jostling. I cried like a bitch as the branch was pressed a little farther into me and both of my arms wrenched painfully. My tears were stinging as they flowed down my cheeks, getting into the cuts I evidently acquired. Marcus was a man of his word and I was surprised when he wrenched open the back passenger door of my car so that he could get up close and personal to assess the situation.

His voice went from calm, cool and collected as he explained his movements to me so I didn't get startled when he got to me, straight to panic as soon as he saw the front of my body. He immediately called for backup and demanded tools and equipment I'm not even going to try to name. He basically told me exactly what I already knew, which was fucked, but right after he said that he was going to get me the fuck out of there. It was weird hearing a paramedic in charge of keeping me alive until I got to the hospital cursing like a sailor, but for some reason it comforted me. It was sort of like having Emmett with me, but a smart, safety conscious Emmett.

"Alright Edward," Marcus said putting a plastic neck brace on me to secure my head. "I'm going to have to sedate you because there's no way I'm letting you suffer through us having to saw this fucking limb and getting you out of here. You're going to be fine, so don't worry. You're in good hands bro."

I grunted and felt the prick of the needle amidst all of the pain I was already going through.

"It's alright dude. Just relax and let this work for you. You'll see your family soon. I promise," Marcus soothed before I fell into an awkwardly peaceful sleep.

Somehow I woke up as soon as we arrived at the hospital. Marcus was holding an oxygen mask to my face while the paramedics worked to get me into the ER. He assured me that I was going to be fine before passing me off to the doctors and nurses. Looking into the eyes of Dr. Gerandy, one of my father's coworkers, I immediately felt the panic rise. I didn't want my father to have to see me like this. It would kill him. Especially when they told him that I wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

"Edward, you're going to need to calm down son," Dr. Gerandy said as I was wheeled into an operating room. The panic doubled, I'd never liked operating rooms. Dr. Gerandy of course knew this and gave me an apologetic smile as he pulled out a syringe. "We'll see you in recovery, Edward. You're in good hands."

I didn't even feel the prick of the needle under Dr. Gerandy's calm hand. He instructed me to count back from ten while someone replaced my oxygen mask with another. He started spewing out technical terms and I made it to nine before my world turned black for the third time today

Waking up after surgery isn't like in the movies either, I've come to realize. I assumed I'd have an underwater experience where all of my loved ones came to pay their respects and beg me to wake up. No... my welcome back to the world moment was a little unorthodox to say the least.

"I can't believe that bitch had the nerve to come here," Alice's fuming voice was the first thing I heard waking up. It seemed appropriate, her voice being the last thing I heard before the accident.

"Alice, I think your being irrational," Rose whispered, her voice an octave or two lower than usual as if she had a head cold or something. "You didn't get his full story before the acc-ident," she choked out.

"Babe, don't cry." Emmett's voice was solemn, a distinct difference from the sarcastic tone I'd grown up knowing.

"I think we need to get out of this room for a little while," Jasper reasoned from across the room. "Everyone's getting restless."

"Fuck you!" Alice spat. "I'm not leaving until my brother wakes up. Besides, the last time we left, we came back and found her here. You're out of your fucking mind if you think I'm going to let that shit happen again."

"Babe, you need to calm down," Jasper's voice drew closer, and I opened my eyes wincing at the bright lights above where I lay. Jasper's shaggy blond hair was the first thing I saw hunched over my little sister as she cried. Emmett was sitting in a recliner chair with Rose tucked under his arm while she wiped her eyes. Needless to say my friends looked like they hadn't eaten or slept in a few days. I tried to talk to get their attention, but coughed roughly instead. One by one they froze before rushing over to the bed while Jasper exited the room.

"Oh Edward!" Alice cried, kissing my hand that she held gingerly in her tiny ones. "Are you really awake now?"

"W-what do you mean?" I rasped, my throat felt like it was on fire.

"Well, you woke up yesterday and they removed your breathing tube and chest tube, but you were in too much pain so they put you back under. You don't remember?"

I shook my head, willing the fire in my throat to smoulder and die out. Rose started looking around the room for something. "Where the fuck is that little water thingy that they brought in here yesterday for Ed?" she snapped, throwing Coke cans into the small garbage pail by the door.

"The nurse took it away when she came in this morning, babe," Emmett replied, giving me a wide smile. "You scared the shit out of me, bro."

"Me too," Rose and Alice said simultaneously, but didn't laugh like they usually did. The door opened before I could ask any questions and Jasper led my parents into the room. My mother immediately accosted me with soft kisses and a lot of crying. My dad sort of pushed her out of the way, claiming that the last thing I needed was her having a mental breakdown, before he kissed my forehead and told me that he was ecstatic that I was alright.

Then the doctor walked in and demanded that everyone but family needed to leave because he didn't want the excitement to overwhelm me. Dr. Gerandy gave my knee a squeeze as he started to check me over.

"It's good to see you awake, boy."

I tried to reply, but my throat was too dry. Instead it sounded like sandpaper. Dr. Gerandy offered to go get some water for me when the door opened and Rose walked in holding a bottled beverage. "You should fire your fucking night nurse. She's a bitch and she doesn't replace things when she takes them." She sent me a wave before exiting the room.

Dr. Gerandy just chuckled. Everyone that knew Rosalie Hale knew that she was a major bitch with a potty mouth. She wasn't going to change and to this day I haven't seen a person willing to try to change her.

He opened the bottle and grabbed a straw out of one of the many cabinets on the far side of my room before placing it between my lips. When the bottle was halfway gone, he pulled away and I took a deep breath feeling the pain in my side start to twinge.

"Careful, son," Dr. Gerandy chuckled, putting the bottle on a side table before sitting on the edge of my bed. "I know you just woke up, but we need to cover a few things before you run off to those frat parties and raves or whatever it is you kids do these days."

I couldn't help but laugh, yelping when the pain became more apparent.

"Sorry my boy. You broke your left arm, if the cast wasn't obvious. Your sister tried to talk us into giving you a rainbow colored cast, but I had your back and decided to go with blue cause it's my favorite color. Hope you don't mind."

"No," I croaked. "It's fine."

"Any who. Broken arm, broken nose... we had to reset that bad boy and you managed to escape without the black eyes, so you're still pretty. You had surgery to remove the tree limb from your abdomen but nothing to worry about. We'll remove the stitches in a few weeks and you'll be right as rain."

He paused, taking a breath before turning back to the file he was reading out of. "The impact of the collision caused your lung to collapse, so that's really the only thing we need to monitor. You'll be in bed resting for a couple of weeks, so I hope you got the new Bioshock game. My grandson is obsessed with that stupid game. He's been playing it for a week straight, so it should definitely keep you entertained."

"What about school? I can't just miss two or three weeks willy nilly." I started to worry about how this accident was going to affect my graduating on time.

"Have no fear big brother. I've already talked with your teachers yesterday after the 'rents." Alice shot an annoyed look at mom and dad before turning back to me. "Made me go. Every one of your teachers said that you could go the entire time without doing your work and pass with B's because you're such a geek. I told them that the great Edward Cullen would never accept a B, so they agreed to start sending you work through me next week."

"Thanks," I sighed out, the pain starting to become more apparent, but I didn't want to be drugged up. Something dawned on me.

"How long was I out of it?"

"Oh, Jesus Edward," Alice laughed. "You're so dramatic. It's Saturday. You got in the wreck the day before yesterday. You didn't go into a coma in the operating room or anything."

"Alice Bianca Cullen," my mother scolded. "Be nice to your brother. He's be-"

"Been through a lot," Alice cut her off. "I know." Her face fell and I could sense that she was getting upset, so I patted the spot on my bed with my good hand and she climbed up next to me, despite the comments from both doctors and my mother. "Thanks."

"You're welcome" I answered, wincing as my stitches pulled.

"Are you in pain, Edward?" Dr. Gerandy asked. "Because now's your chance to get all the pain meds you can get. We're sending you home under the care of your father in the next day or two, so take advantage."

"No, I'm fine. Maybe in a little while."

It took me two hours to convince my parents that I would be fine for the night by myself. It took Alice another hour to convince the three of us that she should stay with me. Her not having school the following day won the battle, and dad pulled a few strings so that she wouldn't get in trouble for being here all night.

"I can't fucking stand green Jello," I groaned, poking the gelatin with my spoon and watching it bounce right back to it's normal form.

"I know, but you're on a strict liquids diet," Alice said, pulling her bag into her lap and rifling through it. "That's why I went and got you some real Jello!" she cheered, pulling out a six pack of strawberry Jello. I reached for it as best as I could, trying not to agitate my injuries too much. but she pulled it away.

"Who do you love?"

"You Alice," I sighed, rolling my eyes and holding my hand expectantly for the snack pack.

"Who's the best sister in the world?"

"You Alice. Now give me the Jello or I'll page the nurses and tell them you're just here to steal all the medical supplies."

"Fine. You're no fun." she relented, going the extra step to open the foil top for me. "How's the pain?"

"Eh, feels like I got hit by an SUV. I could go for a jog in a few minutes, yah know?" I joked, but Alice surprised me by bursting out in tears.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "It's my fault. If I wasn't so fucking nosy about you and her," she snarled at the last word, "you would be alright. You would have seen that jackass before he ran into you."

The jack ass's name was Tyler Henson. At two o'clock in the afternoon he was drunk off his ass and decided to make a beer run when he didn't need any more alcohol. The liquor flowing through his system had him so inebriated that he didn't see the stop sign or me before he plowed into my car. Tyler wouldn't be getting in trouble with the law over his bad decisions though. By the time the ambulances arrived to the scene, he died of a massive heart attack. People would think that he got what he deserved. I don't really know what to think.

"Alice, it's not your fault. Even if I had seen him, I wouldn't have been able to get out of the way fast enough, even if the woman in the car behind him had honked her horn earlier." I kissed the top of her head. "No blame, squirt."

Alice mumbled something, but I only made out the last word.

"What about Bella?"

"Nothing," she said, pulling away and grabbing the Jello from my good hand, proceeding to try to feed me.

"You're lying through your teeth. What about her?"

"She came to see you yesterday," she muttered.

"She did?" My heart started to beat erratically.

"Well yeah, according to the nurses she just sat in front of your door. She kept going to open the door, but then she'd chicken out. She'd been here for about ten minutes when me and the gang got back from the cafeteria." Alice scooped out some Jello and held it up. She fed me a bite of it before I said something.

"And? Did she come in and see me? Did she ever make it through the door?" I asked, immediately alarmed for Bella. It had to have been difficult, her coming to see me after a car accident. Alice was quiet as she tried to shovel more Jello into my mouth. "No, I don't want anymore. Tell me what happened Alice. Did you tell her to leave?"

"No."

"Well then, what happened?"

"You really don't remember?" she asked, fidgeting with my nurse button.

"No. Jesus, will you just tell me already?"

"She's extremely selfish," Alice rolled her eyes. "She was sort of freaking out the second she saw us, wanting to know if you were alright as if she wanted us to comfort her. Anyway, Emmett invited her inside and she started crying as soon as she saw yo-"

"Is she alright?"

"I don't see why you care Edward. You told her to get out."

My heart stuttered to a stop.

"What?" I croaked.

"Well, not exactly that nicely," Alice shrugged. "You took one look at her and told her to get the fuck out. After that they had to come in and give you more pain medication and you were sort of in and out of it for a while."

What?

I Want To Save You: Ch 10

Chapter Ten

I agreed to talk to Bella.

She insisted that she wasn't comfortable having our conversation at school, so after a little convincing on my part, I talked her into skipping the last two classes of the day. We had a pep rally that neither of us cared about during sixth period anyway so it wasn't like we were going to miss anything important. I was beyond nervous as to what she had to say, but curiosity got the best of me and we made our get away.

We were able to make it to my car without much difficulty and twenty minutes later I found myself sitting at the kitchen island of the bright multi-colored house eating a rather large bowl of homemade chili that had been Bella and her mother's dinner the night before. After arriving at their house, Bella commented that she was hungry and didn't even ask before she placed the bowl in front of me with a plate of crackers, a bowl of cheddar cheese and some sour cream between us. We ate in silence enjoying the delicious meal and I insisted on doing the dishes afterward, while she sat at the island with her legs propped up in my abandoned chair. I am a gentleman after all and she went through the trouble to reheat lunch.

I had just started scrubbing the silverware when she cleared her throat.

"So my dad sent me a package. It didn't arrive until a week after Christmas," she laughed out. "He's never been one for punctuality. Anyway, it was filled with things I didn't pack that he thought I'd like to have here."

"That's thoughtful," I said, not turning to her.

"Yeah, he got me a really cool DVD player for my bedroom. He also sent me a present from Billy. That's J-Jake's dad, if you didn't remember. Billy was going through Jake's belongings and found a box with my name on it so he asked my dad to send it to me. They both thought I'd want to have it."

Bella sniffed as I continued washing the dishes. "It was a dream catcher. Jake made them as a hobby. I always begged him to make me one, but every time I did, he would just blow me off, so I let it go. When I opened that box and saw his handwriting... I lost it. It was like I was back in that hospital room, being told that my best friends were gone again."

I rinsed the last dish and turned around, leaning against the sink. I wanted to sit next to her and try to comfort her, but again my curiosity got the best of me and I remained where I stood. It took Bella a second to gather her bearings, but she continued.

"I woke up that night in the hospital. Apparently I had a panic attack and my mom had to call 911. The paramedics had to sedate me." She wrapped her arms around her, fighting off the internal struggle as she continued to speak. "The doctors thought I should be on suicide watch."

I froze in my spot and it didn't go unnoticed by Bella, who laughed sadly.

"Really Edward. After everything I've been through, if I was going to off myself, don't you think I would have already done it? Anyway we were able to compromise and I now spend three days a week down at the local community center with Garrett Damon, a grief counselor. He's the one that's been trying to talk me out of my funk and it's working, but not as fast as I would like. I talked to him about you. About how you've only ever tried to help me and the way I've treated you. After a lot of pushing on his part, he convinced me to talk to you. I was afraid that I'd pretty much scared you off with the way I've acted. Garrett told me that I needed to talk to you, to explain things and I've been trying."

"What makes today different?" I asked out of curiosity, cutting her off before she could speak.

"Well, I finished the book. I kept trying to talk to you, like the day I asked you to sit with me on the floor in the library. I had convinced myself to talk to you, but lost my nerve. Garrett told me to give myself a strict deadline, so I made a promise that when I was done reading my book that I would talk to you," she explained.

"You've been talking to me though."

"I know Edward," Bella sighed exasperatedly. "Talking about the weather and how disgusting Mr. Bush's room smells is a lot different than 'Hey! My dad sent me a friggin' present from my dead best friend and I had a meltdown.'"

"So you're only talking to me today because you finished reading Harry Potter?" I smirked, trying to hide the fact that the tidbit of knowledge sort of hurt.

"No. I mean, yes? I don't know Edward. I just needed the push." she sighed, rubbing her temples. "And I can see that maybe that wasn't such a good idea and that I've already messed things up. Again. Garrett said I should talk to you, and the more I do, the more I end up either pissing you off or hurting your feelings."

"Why are you doing this? It's like you take one step forward and then three steps back every time we talk. Why can't you just lay it all out on the table so that we can move on?" I asked, slumping onto the extra stool and put my head in my hands.

"Because it's harder than it looks, Edward," Bella replied softly. "I'm grieving and trying my hardest to move on, but I keep relapsing. You have no idea what's going through my mind. Hell, sometimes I have no idea what's going through my mind, but I am trying. Please don't give up on me. I need a friend."

Friend.

"Please," she whimpered.

"Please what, Bella?" I blurted out. "I've given you space. I've given you my time. I've skipped school for the first time ever, and now it's like a friggin' hobby with you. I don't know what else to do for you, Bella. I'm pretty sure I should just walk away and act as if I never met you."

She gasped, but I continued. "But I can't. Because ever since that first day that I saw you in front of that library, I've wanted nothing but to be here for you, and you've pretty much shut me out, sucked me back in and it's like we're doing the same thing every other day. I've told you how I feel and I think I'm starting to realize that maybe that just isn't good enough for you."

"Edward, you're wrong. I'm trying."

"You're trying, but I never see any of the outcomes, Bella!" I yelled, immediately feeling guilty for doing so. "I'm sorry. I should just go. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

"Edward, please!" Bella started to sob. "I really am trying, trying to show you that you're important to me. Please don't leave! I'm sorry!"

"What do you want from me, Bella? Can you answer that? What would me staying here with you do?" I demanded.

"I just want a friend, Edward."

My heart fell into my stomach.

"Just a friend?"

"Yes." She looked down at her hands, refusing to meet my gaze. "That's all."

"That's not good enough for me, Bella. I'm going to need time ,so don't get upset if I'm not in the library tomorrow. Alright?" I stood up and grabbed my keys off the counter.

"Fine," Bella sniffled.

"Bye Bella," I said, not wanting to be rude as I made my exit.

"Bye Edward."

I rushed out to my car as quickly as I could not wanting to linger. I wanted to cry, scream, hit something and cuddle up in my bed all at once, but managed to start my car and make my way home. I had just driven past the school when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell were you today?" Alice's voice rang shrilly in my ear.

"Dude... who cares about the stupid pep rally?" I sighed out.

"I know, Edward, but still. Where were you? If I would have known you were leaving, I would have came with you. God! The prep squad did this dance to one of my favorite songs and one of the guys on the basketball team got a boner. It was ridiculously disgusting," she sighed. "I don't think I can listen to that song again without getting the heeby-jeebies."

"Well, I didn't tell you because you weren't invited. And it was sort of spontaneous," I explained.

"Uh-oh. Does this have something to do with Bella Swan?" Alice giggled. "I'd tell you to hurry up and get home so you could explain everything to me, but I'm much too impatient. Tell me, tell me! What happened?"

"We talked. She doesn't want anything but friendship," I sighed.

"Aww, Eddie, I'm sorry. Jasper took me to Shakes after school and I've got a half a gallon of chocolate custard with your name on it in the freezer if you want to wallow."

"Why does everything always turn to food with you Ali?" I laughed.

"Eh, that's how girls work. We like food. And even if you won't admit it, frozen chocolate custard will totally mend your somewhat broken heart. So are you almost home?"

"Yeah give me like five minu-"

I was cut off by a loud horn blaring on my right and looked over at the same time the giant SUV smashed into the passenger side of my car. Of all the times to forget to fasten my seat-belt, it had to be today. My body was jerked wildly as the beast of a car dragged my Volvo across the asphalt.

I bounced off of the driver side door and cried out when my chest hit the steering wheel, effectively knocking the wind out of me. My head throbbed after I smacked it on something, whether it be my window or the roof of the car, I couldn't be certain. I just knew that it hurt. The screeching of metal and rubber on the road was almost as bad as the sounds coming from my phone that I still managed to have in a death grip. It hurt to breath as I brought my phone to my ear.

"Alic-"

The loud crash on my side of the car was the last thing I heard as both cars made it completely across the street and into the trees that lined the right side of the road. I watched a thick tree limb bust through the glass of my door before my sight grew dim and I passed out, succumbing to the massive amount of pain.

I Want To Save You: Ch 9

Chapter Nine

School had been back in session for almost two and a half weeks before Bella Swan even glanced at me.

Day in and day out we shared almost every class together, except for when I went to gym and she went to the library to do her book work. Each day I would try my best to ignore her presence, and each day I would fail at my attempts. She didn't even acknowledge me when we were in the same vicinity, such as when she sat next to Rose in Spanish and I sat on the other side, or when we were in Biology.

Luckily, Mr. Banner decided to show a couple of long and boring movies when we returned back from Christmas holiday instead of starting on the dissections, so we didn't have to interact. Inside I was dying, yearning for her to just give me a quick look, but it was all in vain. Each day, every period, she would hobble into the classroom and over to her desk, staring at the floor the entire way. She never once attempted to look my way or say excuse me as she scooted past me in Biology to get to her seat.

I could feel the heat from her body against my back even though we made no physical contact. I spent the majority of my time during the boring movies staring at the girl next to me out of the corner of my eye and ignoring the need to touch her. She spent the majority of her time writing in a small composition notebook that she had started carrying around when she returned to school with the rest of us. I tried to inconspicuously get a peek at what she was writing inside the notebook one time, but it was useless; she kept her hand over the page as she wrote.

Lunch was usually spent with me in between Alice and Emmett at the table we always sat at. Bella never came to the cafeteria for lunch, and even though I wanted to sneak away to go find her, my friends and overpowering little sister refused to let me leave without them.

I had been doing a good job disguising my inner struggles around my friends and family. I ate the usual two meals a day, lunch at school and dinner with the family at night, then, and only then, would I be permitted to go wallow in my bedroom.

Alice still talked to Bella in Economics every day. It wasn't uncommon to see the two of them with their heads pressed together during down time or when Mr. Bush wasn't paying attention. I suppressed the jealously I felt that my sister was able to talk to Bella, and Alice suppressed any information she gathered from Bella during their little discussions.

As the weeks wore on, and Bella still didn't give me the time of day, I tried to leech onto my friends for companionship rather than trying to get her to notice me. Unfortunately the weekends were filled with coupling things that I wasn't included in, so I spent the majority of my time in my bedroom with my video games and school work.

I still drove by Bella's house daily. Just to get a glimpse, or at least try to. Once I thought I might have seen her at her bedroom window. I couldn't be sure it was her because it was only for a second, and she and her mom look freakily alike. I also couldn't be certain seeing as I was driving by and the person I saw was in a second story window. I guess you could say I turned into a stalker, but I was desperate, infatuated almost.

The day Bella Swan gave me the time of day happened to be a Thursday, and it wasn't even by choice. I was late arriving to Biology because Alice, being the little twerp she is, accidentally took my book and it had my homework in it. I had just walked into the classroom when Mr. Banner started handing out the dissection trays and bags of frogs soaked in formaldehyde. Bella was scribbling in her notebook as I sat next to her, and she didn't stop until the teacher tossed the bag with our frog inside onto the desk we shared, causing her to jump and slam the notebook shut.

We listened to Mr. Banner drone on and on about lab rules and what we would be accomplishing today, even though we'd already dissected frogs when we were in junior high. Gotta love public school funding. As soon as he gave us the go ahead, I got up to get us a pair of aprons and lab goggles from the cabinet and handed Bella hers silently.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"You're welcome," I mumbled out of shock.

Emmett could be heard squealing across the room as Mike Newton pulled their frog out of the bag without gloves. The entire class was laughing at him as he practically crawled up the wall in an effort to get away from the dead amphibian. I even heard Bella giggle a little before she put her hair up in a rubber band and grabbed a pair of gloves. She made no move to touch the frog, so I read the instructions and removed it from the bag, placing it belly side up on the tray and pinning down all four limbs. Bella didn't say anything as I pulled the scalpel out of the small toolkit and started to make the first incision.

"Mr. Cullen, I'd appreciate if you allowed Bella to participate in this lab as well," Mr. Banner called from the front of the room. "So far I haven't seen her do anything yet, so let her be a part of the dissection please."

I looked over at the girl in question and found her frowning at our teacher with an indisputable amount of hatred shooting from her eyeballs to his sweaty balding head. I noticed that all of the other tables were already locating organs, so I held up the scalpel to get her attention and she reached out with a shaky hand to take it from me. I could feel the warmth of her hand through both her gloves and mine. Is it possible for a boy to swoon?

"It's alright," she said, calmly inhaling through her mouth and exhaling out of her nose as she stared at the slab. "I can do this."

I watched her make a quick slice down the middle of our frog, squirming when it was finally open. I noticed that Banner had taken a great interest in the two of us, most likely to make sure she was doing some of the work, so I handed her the tiny little forceps and a couple of pins so that we could explore the internal organs.

"So how was your Christmas vacation?" she asked quietly as she worked.

"Umm..." was my brilliant response.

"I'm going to hurl if I'm not distracted. So how was your Christmas vacation? Or the rest of it at least?" she asked again, her voice choppy.

"Oh good. Um, the Triple D's left and I spent the majority of my break organizing my iTunes and getting my old files transferred to my new computer." And pining over you, I added silently. "What about you?"

"It was good," she answered shortly, moving the pointer tool thingy around until she located the first organ and answered the question on the work sheet we'd been given. "As a senior in high school, don't you think that we cut up more than enough animals? I mean, I think this is, like, my fourth or fifth frog, and each time I cut open one it gets more disgusting."

"Yeah, well, the school is funded publicly so they can't afford fetal pigs and other grosser things so that's something to be thankful for, I guess," I answered, shrugging. I decided to dig a little deeper, seeing as she was feeling particularly talkative today. "So what did you get for Christmas?"

I watched her tense up, tossing the pointer stick down and turning back to her worksheet. "Kermit's all yours," Bella said.

The rest of the period I worked alone. I answered all of the questions on my worksheet, cleaned up Kermit, as he was so aptly named, and disinfected our entire table while Bella scribbled in her tiny notebook like the bipolar and infuriating being she is. She'd basically used me as a distraction and now that I'd served my purpose, it was back to acting as if I didn't exist.

I couldn't stomach my lunch after having just cut up a member of The Muppets, so instead of meeting Alice at my locker, I headed out to the quad for some quiet time with my iPod. Students had already arrived, taking all of the shade for themselves, so I decided to just roam the hallways instead. Luckily our school was pretty lenient about lunch time. So long as we didn't make a ruckus, we were permitted to walk around the school, sit in the library or on the quad. I could have gone off of campus for lunch, but chose instead to go check the library for a book that I had been looking forward to reading.

By the time I got to the library, my shirt was sticking to my back with perspiration. The cool air hit me, welcoming me into the building along with the smell of old books and magazines. I've admitted before, and I will again, I'm a self proclaimed bookworm and proud of it. I waved hello to the old librarian and she gave me a warm smile, in return showing off the dark pink lipstick she'd managed to get on her front teeth.

Where our school lacked in funding, they made up for it in donations. Our library was huge, bigger than the public one in town. I checked the old index card log that we still used to keep track of the books and noticed that the book I'd been waiting for still hadn't been returned. Instead of dwelling, I decided to go aisle by aisle until I found something to catch my eye. It was in aisle H-K that I found something I hadn't exactly been looking for.

"I didn't know you liked Harry Potter," I blurted out when really I should have just gone to the next aisle and pretended like I didn't see her. She jumped a little and stood quickly from where she sat on the floor reading the seventh instalment of the series.

"I don't, I mean I, uh..." Bella stammered, blushing and bending down to refasten her walking brace. "I was just looking for something to read because I forgot my book at home and realized I hadn't read this one yet."

"Hmm, it's alright. Alice made Jasper and I go with her to the release party in the next town over. She dressed up and everything," I said, chuckling. "We used to read Harry Potter to each other when we were in elementary school, so it was sort of tradition to continue."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and hilarious as hell. Tomorrow in Eco you should ask her to do her best Howler impression. Priceless." And then I heard it again, and I was positive the noise I had heard earlier came from the same source. Bella Swan tipped her head to the side and covered her mouth with one hand, emitting a small giggle that made my insides melt, 'cause I'm a loser like that.

It was then that I realized that she was looking good, healthy even. Her cheeks had color in them and not just from being embarrassed. Her hair was braided in the back of her head, but pieces were falling. Her clothes actually fit her and matched, rather than a hodge-podge of whatever she threw on weeks ago when I first met her. I could still see the haunting pain in her eyes and features, but it was also as if I was talking to a new person, as if maybe I should introduce myself to this better Bella.

"What?" she snapped, pulling me out of my ogling.

"Huh?"

"You're staring at me like I have something on my face," she said, subconsciously rubbing her mouth and cheeks.

"No, it's just... Nothing."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to look for a book," I replied, pointing to the shelves. "You enjoy yours."

"Yeah, thanks. You, too, I guess."

Bella smiled somewhat kindly before sitting back down on the floor where she had been. I started surveying the different titles by just their bindings, something I'd always done. Judged books by their covers. I was just about to turn the corner and head for the aisle when Bella called me back. "If you find something to read, you're welcome to share the floor with me. Mrs. Woods doesn't like it when students take up the tables during lunch break."

When I said that Bella Swan talked to me for the first time, and it not being by her choice, did I mention that later on she made up for hurting my feelings by inviting me to sit on a cruddy library floor while we read? No? Well she did.

We weren't friends or anything. Hell we didn't even talk, but for the next two days, I skipped lunch and sat on the floor between aisle H-K with Bella. She read and I watched her read, and after the second day, she stopped calling me out on it. I do believe we were making progress. Albeit at a snail's pace, but I'd take what I could get.

I spent the weekend doing yard chores that I'd put off for far too long and Monday during Biology, even though she didn't say anything, Bella did send me a shy smile before turning back to her book work. That smile had me internally happy dancing all the way to lunch/ library time. We took our seats, her on one side of the aisle and me on the other, our legs stretched out in front of us, almost touching, but never actually doing so.

Bella finished the last chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with a sniffle and turned to me. "Do you think we can talk?"

I Want To Save You: Ch 8

Chapter Eight

"So let me get this straight," Emmett said, before taking a huge bite out of his sub. "You finally fall in love with a girl and she ends up being so fucked in the head that she can't even sleep?"

"Don't talk about Bella like that," I interrupted with a growl, wondering why in the hell I even told him the predicament that I was in. No matter what was going on with Bella and me, I refuse to let him talk about her in that way.

"Whoa there, lover boy. Let me finish," he defended, holding his hands up, one of his huge hands still holding the sub. "So she tells you her story and then informs you that she can't be your friend? Your little declaration of love and then running was a bitch move, but this moping around and shit is turning you into a pussy man." He shook his head and stood up. "I'm going to get some of those cookies. You want?"

"Nah, I-"

"Of course not. You haven't eaten since your sister found you sitting on the front steps with your head in your hands, having a meltdown," Emmett cut me off, before pushing my sub towards me. "You better eat, I'll be right back."

(Flashback)

"You're not the only one that's broken by all this, Bella."

And with that I turned and ran down the street.

Despite the fact that I lived over a thirty minute drive away from Bella's house, I refused to stop and borrow a phone to call someone to come get me and instead ran for over an hour. Tears blurred my vision and I didn't care if anyone saw me in my distraught state. The farther I got from her house, the harder it became for me to breathe, but I ignored the pain in my chest.

She had made her choice, I told myself. She had made it clear that we would get absolutely nowhere together and I needed to get over this crush.

Turning and running down my street, I stopped short as I made it to my front yard. It hit me then that it was no use if I attempted to get over her because it wasn't a silly teenage crush. Bella Swan had stolen my heart before I even realized it.

I sat on the front steps of my house, waiting for someone to come let me in and broke down allowing the pain to take over me.

"Edward?" Alice's voice was careful. "Are you okay? You're all sweaty. Are you crying?"

Not wanting to deal with any pity, sympathy or advice from the little pip squeak, I stood up and walked into the house. After entering my bedroom, I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into my bed, ignoring the timid knocks on the door and threats from the Triple D's before they left that night.

(End flashback)

The rest of Christmas break had went by in the same exact fashion.

Alice would knock on my bedroom door for an hour or two in the morning before giving up, then my mom would bring me food once a day because even though she respected my need for solitude, she didn't want me to make myself sick even though I already was.

My father stopped coming to talk to me after he attempted to prescribe me depression medication and tried to convince me to see a therapist. It could have been the pussy ass temper tantrum that I had thrown or even the insane amount of tears that came out of my dehydrated body, who knows. My dad hightailed it out of my room and I hadn't really seen him since. The men in our family weren't very emotional people, but apparently I was the only exception.

I did catch a glimpse of him when I was walking out of the bathroom and he was walking into Alice's bedroom. He gave me a sad smile before closing the door behind him and I was grateful that my parents were allowing me to be by myself. I only wish that Alice would have respected my wishes.

School was starting back up tomorrow and it wasn't even ten o'clock this morning when Emmett burst through my bedroom door under Alice's direct orders.

(Flashback)

The intro to The Golden Girls had just begun for the second time. Why was I watching it? Oh, because I stepped on the remote control accidentally, turning it to the Lifetime channel, and forgot to pick it up on my way back to my bed... yesterday. I could have got up and picked the fucking thing off of the floor, but I had absolutely no motivation to do so. It wasn't as if I was really paying any attention to the damn TV. I just had it on so that I wasn't sitting in the dark silence.

If someone asked me why I was acting this way, I wouldn't be able to answer them. The truth was that I was hurt. My mom had told me one morning when she brought me food that everyone hurt when their first love ends badly. I just rolled over and covered my head with a pillow, having no intentions of eating the mush after her short words of wisdom. Bella wasn't my first love because my love for her was unrequited. Yet it hurt so unbelievably badly knowing that, even if I couldn't have her love, she refused to allow me to even offer her a friendship.

There was another timid knock on my bedroom door before it was kicked in, ricocheting off of the wall and causing me to jump up and curse loudly. Emmett's bulky body came through the doorway and he barreled towards me, throwing my body over his shoulder like I weighed next to nothing, before running out of the room and down the hall towards the bathroom. In the midst of my fury and attempts at fighting off my attacker, I saw Alice standing in the bathroom, the shower running and a pile of brand new clothes, complete with socks and a pair of shoes, on the counter beside her.

"Sorry big brother, you need this whether you want to admit it or not," she said, smiling sadly before exiting the room quickly. Emmett opened the door to the shower and tossed me inside fully clothed in the pajamas I had changed into days ago.

"She's right bro. Take a shower and get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs in twenty."

(End flashback)

"You haven't even taken one bite of that sub, Ed," Emmett said, collapsing in his chair across from me. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know, Emmett," I snapped. "I feel like I've lost my will to live, so why bother with showering, eating or any of that shit. You have no idea what it's like to go through what I'm am right now. You guys just need to leave me the fuck alone."

"That's just the thing dude. Your alone time isn't doing you any good. All you do is sit in your bedroom. And don't think I didn't notice that you were watching chick shit when I was helping Alice change your sheets that she has to now burn to get that rank ass smell out," Emmett grimaced. "What the hell. It's just a girl, Edward."

"It's not just a girl, you asshole." I stood up and leaned over the table. "It's the girl. I hardly fucking know her, yet I've locked myself away for over a week, basking in my own filth because I can't not be with her. My heart is broken because she doesn't want anything to do with me."

Emmett looked around before turning back to me. "Calm down, dude. All I'm saying is that she's just the first person of the opposite sex that you found any interest in, and just because she doesn't feel the same way about you doesn't mean you have to destroy yourself and worry the hell out of your friends and family over her. How much more are you going to lose over this crush?"

His words sliced through me like a knife and I felt all of the air leave my lungs as I sat down in my chair heavily. Without even knowing it, Bella had stolen my heart. I couldn't be angry at her because she had no idea of it until I had informed her, before running away like a scared kid. The anger fell on me because it was my mistake. I shouldn't be hurt by her not returning my affections because sometimes that's how life was. If anything, I should swallow my loss because it was almost ridiculous for me to develop these types of feelings for someone after knowing them for so little time. It could even be possible that it wasn't love that I felt towards the broken girl. The pains in my chest at that thought told me otherwise.

"Ed-man? You alright?" Emmett asked, his mouth full of cookie.

"I'm fine," I said through clenched teeth.

"Yeah? Well prove it. Eat half that sandwich and I'll give you a cookie," he taunted, waving one in front of me. "Then we'll go get

kicked out of Toys R Us or something fun."

Just to get him off my back, I picked up half of my meatball sandwich and took a hearty bite, inwardly grimacing at the cardboard taste. Instead of dwelling on it, I wolfed down the half, and a couple of chips for good measure, before wiping my mouth and looking up at the smug bastard.

"Alice owes me ten bucks," he boasted.

"How come?"

"I bet her that I could get you to eat. She told me not to hold my breath, but look at you." He passed a cookie over to me, but I ignored it. My stomach was rolling with what was already in it and my mood hadn't exactly changed, but I refused to let anyone else suffer over my defaults.

"You ready to go play with some toys?" Emmett asked, slyly snatching the cookie he had offered me back and shoving it in his mouth.

"Sure. If we get arrested, we're calling your parents." I stood up and gathered our garbage.

The rest of the day was spent making up for lost time on my part. I allowed Emmett to get us kicked out of Toys R Us and we even got a police escort out of the local Walmart after we fought with foam swords in the toy section, scaring little kids and parents alike. It was all good fun, but inside I was still feeling down and out, and I refused to let Emmett see that part of me. When he dropped me off at my house, Alice was sitting in the living room with our parents. The surprised looks on their faces when I sat down next to my little sister and asked what they were watching only caused the guilt to increase. We sat together and watched a few movies from our childhood thanks to Alice's need to get her Tink on, or whatever it was.

I didn't go upstairs to go to sleep until after Alice started yawning, internally high-fiving myself at the smiles every member of my family shot my way, and said goodnight. Once I was nestled in my bed, it was a whole 'nother story. Everything hit me head on as soon as I shut my lamp off. The guilt, that I had been so absolutely selfish with my family and friends, washed over me like the darkness. Emmett's and Alice's enthusiasm at each and everything I said or did today had only made it worse.

The anger I felt for Bella not feeling the same for me, as I did for her, hit me like a ton of bricks, and the added stress and hurt of that resulted in my curling in an almost fetal position. This wasn't like me. I had never been the type of person to allow one thing that went wrong to turn me into a crying, sulking, wallowing baby. Yet in walks Bella Swan, and now look at me. I had fallen in love with the unlovable and there wasn't a damn thing I could do.

A small knock on the door brought me out of my entirely fucked up train of thought.

"Come in," I called, my voice thick with emotion. The door slowly opened revealing Alice's small form. She shyly entered the room,

her fuzzy hot pink throw still wrapped around her shoulders as she shut the door behind her and laid down next to me.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi."

"Are you mad at me?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling a little.

"How could I be mad at you, Ali?"

"Because I had Emmett come in and man handle you. Because I've been bothering you since you came home from Bella's house that day, even though you asked for me to leave you alone."

"Alice..." I tried to interrupt, but she just kept on speaking.

"Because I had Emmett kidnap you today and try to force you to eat and have fun. And you didn't have to watch movies with me and the 'rents. I mean, yeah. we missed you, but I can tell you're still hurting. I can feel it in here," she said softly as she placed her hand over her heart. "And I don't want you to hurt because I hurt, too. I just want to make it better. The thing I'm most sorry for is allowing the Triple D's to abandon you there. If we hadn't left you there, you wouldn't be like this. I'm just sorry."

It was quiet for a few minutes before I spoke. "Are you finished?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I'll go," Alice whispered sadly before pulling herself up, but I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her to me.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for acting like a jackass and crawling into a hole over something that was completely out of our control. I'm sorry that you and mom and dad had to hu-"

She put her hand over my mouth to shut me up. "It's fine. I have no idea what you're going through, so I can't relate. Just know that I love you and that no matter what you do, you're always going to be my favorite person in the world. You're the best big brother a girl can ask for," she said softly.

"Alice?" I asked.

"Hmm?"

"Why are we whispering?"

"Because it's late and we have school tomorrow. Don't want to get in trouble with mom and dad," she shrugged. "Whispering means more anyway. It ensures that the person you're conversing with will pay attention to you because they have to strain to hear you."

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"You're a goof ball."

"I know this." She shrugged again before burrowing into my extra pillow. "Can I sleep here tonight? I'm too lazy to get up, otherwise you will have to carry me back to my room."

"Alice?"

"Yep?"

"Shut up and go to sleep."

"'Kay."